"Decimated Skin"

Went in today for my radiation treatment and see my Radiation Oncologist.  Last week, my skin looked bad - so red it turned brown.  Over the weekend it began to blister up, stick together easily, and no longer itch just hurt.  When I move it pulls the skin and stretches it and it feels as if my skin is pulling apart - which it is since it is blistering...

I received my radiation with a painful squint on my face as they placed my arm in the arm holding thing.  It hurt to stay still for the short period of time but the feeling of your skin pulling apart is not fun - mind over matter and I stayed still.  As I make my way to the room to see my doctor which happens one time a week, all I want to do is curl up in a ball in the corner and just left alone.  When I don't feel good, I pull away from everyone and society.  I don't want to be petted or touched, I don't like people seeing me in pain or uncomfortable.  The doctor comes in and she sees my face, which is normally smiling, tense and my body moving slowly to pull the gowns sleeve off my shoulder with a low, deep growl.  She can tell I am obviously not comfortable or happy this morning.  I lie back and she examines my pink, red, brown blistering skin that stretches from the area under my arm on my torso, half way up my arm pit, across to my sternum, down my sternum to my last rib, across to the side and meeting the point on my back under my arm.  She examines it for about 4 minutes, tells me she will be right back and leaves the room with my chart.  Just with my experience over with the medical field over the last 5 years and my ability to be the 1% of everything that could happen, happening... I know this isn't good. 

The picture below is of the blisters... they are hard to see with this picture but this was taken on Friday so it isn't of this morning when it was slightly worse. The blue lines make sure the nurses line me up right with the radiation machine each day. 

I'm so tired at this point, I just can't get my mind thinking about what's going to happen.  I start to chuckle a little to myself, that she is going to come in and tell me one or multiple things, implant busted - need surgery, skin is dead - need skin graph and implant removal, or something that I can't imagine and some unimaginable crazy medical procedure needs to be done ASAP.  After about 10 minutes, she returns with Harry (a 6'2", salt and pepper hair and beard gentlemen that I met several times - very nice guy, easy to talk to, funny and evidently very smart because he plans out and makes the radiation machine do what it does behind the scenes).  They are talking business when they come in about my treatment plan and she looks at me says, "we are changing your treatment plan." They start talking techy stuff, measurements, and trying to find a way to change my plan and still be effective without killing my organs still.  She is obviously very concerned about the status of my skin as she begins to show him my skin she states "we've decimated her skin here, we can't continue treating this area."

They determine how they are going to change the plan and now he has to go back to his special room and begin adjusting the plates within the radiation machine and adjustments within the computer.  She is concerned the cream she prescribed the other week, may be making my skin reaction worse.  She states stop using the cream.  I let her know I stopped using the Vitamin E oil because it was burning when I put it on my skin.  She was thinking about options of things I could use on my severely burned skin that will not react with the treatments.  She found a sample of Mepilex Border with SafeTac Technology it is a self adherent soft silicone foam dressing for burns.  It works by wicking the nasty, oozing stuff from burn blisters.  She cuts it up and puts it on the two severest locations.  It did instantly help those areas I think mostly by supporting the skin so it didn't stretch and keeping it moist with burn ointment.

She asked if I was sleeping and unfortunately I haven't been sleeping well.  I've been taking Benadryl to help me sleep and control the itch but my fear being I might roll on my chest and rip the skin.  I told her I haven't been sleeping well and my concerns, she looked at me and said "the pain will wake you up and the damage is already done don't worry about rolling on it."  She gave me a Rx to help me sleep and control the pain. 

Today, I was out of it for the most part. Hard to stay focused and I had a severe headache most of the day. Got through the day and made some progress on the projects I'm working on and attempted to work from home tonight however my wonderful work laptop doesn't like my wireless internet so I can't capture screenshots I need.  I took one of my Rx pills and I am thinking at this point, it might not be a wise decision to try to build a training document at this moment.  I might just go to work early tomorrow morning since my radiation treatment is moved for tomorrow to the afternoon to give them enough time to make all the adjustments needed.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Disclaimer:  I apologize for the lengthy blog tonight and any mistypes or bad grammar...my Rx is kicking in and I'm relaxing more and more.

Blisters arise!!!

I am turning red/brown in a location and the blisters have started to come up. You can feel the skin pull when I move and under my arm the skin is getting tight, swelling, and intensifying the numb feeling that is there from the original surgery. Very strange feeling.  I have a Rx for some cream that helps the itching and tender feelings.  I have about 2 weeks left of radiation, just wondering what my skin will look and feel like at that point. 

My friend Kim T. know just the right thing to say and when I need to hear it.  Tonight, she reminded me that the skin will return to normal and just to push through this.  Thank you Kim for knowing what I am thinking and need to hear.  You have been more support to me during both these trips and I truly appreciate it.

Radiation Adjustments and Sleepiness

Saw my doctor today and she seemed concerned about the skin reaction I had going on under my breast. It is the most irritated area, itching and very red.  She is going to have them move that beam to a different angle to help reduce the amount of radiation pounding on that spot.  It is sitting right on top of my last rib also which makes me a little nervous because radiation can cause your bones to weaken making it easier to crack later. 

I am applying my vitamin E oil and the Prutect cream to help with the itch and uncomfy feelings.  At least we don't have kids or roommates running around, because I will later them up and let it absorb in.  Might be slightly embarrassing if we have others around the house. 

Other than that, I am doing well except for exhaustion.  Came home today and had to lay down for about 20 minutes before making dinner because I couldn't keep my eyes open.  I was talking to the radiation physics guy today and said it will get worse but he made me laugh.  We discussed the 50 Shades of Grey, the effects on the industry of products discussed in the book, and some psychology of the book.  Very interesting conversation but pleasant. 

Week 3 Radiation Treatment

I apologize for the delay with writing on here, been crazy busy and exhausted.

I have completed 3 weeks of radiation at this point with 3 weeks more to complete.  At this point, I have some minor skin irritation along the sides and top with some reddening happening however under my breast it is highly irritated.  To help correct this, I have decided to go braless for a few days to see how that helps.  My doctor has given me a cream and recommended vitamin E oil to help with the irritations. It definitely helps when it starts to itch like crazy.

The last week has been interesting with my energy levels, I get tired quickly. Had to co-facilitate classes on Monday and Tuesday and those days, I was dead when I got home. With the understanding I may be entering this phase, I will plan ahead my plans and if they were like today, I will rest the night before.  Today, I celebrated 2 friends 30th birthdays.  The first one was on the lake and the other dinner and some drinks afterwards.  I didn't have any drinks since I was dead tired but rested last night so I could handle all the fun today.  One of the parties was on the lake, so some tubing and boat riding. Haven't been on the lake in a while so it was nice just playing like a normal 29 year old. 

During radiation, I've completed 3 books, getting ready to start book #4, met some cool peeps going through radiation, and enjoyed getting to know the staff at the office.  Radiation is 10x better than chemotherapy, no sickness or balding. I can handle some burns and kick cancers ass again... and this time forever!

Quick Update

I meet with my Radiation Oncologist each Monday after my treatment has been completed.  Today, everything looks good.  Last week I had what appeared to me to be heart palpatations, just sitting still my heart would just start racing for no reason.  I told her about that and we are going to see if it happens again this week.  If so, she will refer me to a cardiologist.  She said it sounds like PDV or something like that, where there is arithmia for some reason however, it's not the lethal kind.  It's apparently very common and can come up at any point in time.  She said most people who have it, have a reaction to caffeine.  I don't drink much caffeine through the day, however, I did drink a LOT of mochas last week. LOL 

Also, my implants are encapsulating.  What that basically means is that scar tissue is trying to build up which causes implants to harden and become painful, resolved by surgery.  She said we have to aggressively move the implants around (not massage, not enough) to break up the inflammation that causes it.  By doing this, it breaks loose the tissue which is slightly painful... popping and sometimes out loud.  She said I'll need to do this for a few years to ensure it doesn't build up.  So, get ready ladies... aggression is coming your way.  This would be the reason that I am having tugs and pains on that side is because it is building up. 

No real skin reactions yet, although I am starting to break out on my chest.  A small rash kinda thing looks like it's coming up on the one.  I notice every now and then that the area they tried to do the tattoo during my reconstruction, is starting to crinkle almost but when I try to get a second opinion from my husband, it is smoothed out again. If you don't get the tattoo part, it is medical - not a standard cool tattoo... just fyi... lol

All in all, I'm doing well.  Had a great weekend and moving right along. 

Project: Grow a Glowing Extra Head Update

Started radiation on Thursday, July 5.  They gave me a large packet of information to read over with nutritional information, skin care, and possible side effects.  She wanted to know if I'd lost or gained weight recently and if I had problems eating.  If you know me, I love to eat and no crazy weight changes either.  She was like what kind of foods do you eat? Ummmm everything! She just cracked up laughing. 

There is a special deodorant you have to use which is non metallic and has some aloe and other oils to help take care of the skin.  She provided me a stick of this surprisingly decent smelling deodorant and I asked if it was ok to still use my normal deodorant on the other arm. She laughed saying "In all the years of doing this, I've never had anyone ask if they could use this on their radiated arm and their real deodorant on their other arm." I like my deodorant and want to smell at least somewhat normal! LOL I do have to say, the new deodorant doesn't cover like I normally would like... too many reapplies needed to handle the daily laps around the building.

Radiation is what you would think... a metal platform you lay on, it swivels in different areas so that the nurses can position you correctly and consistently each time.  A large square mechanism rotates around you, the distance from your body depending upon the type of radiation being provided.  It is loud, cold, and a humming sound when the radiation is being administered.  It is slightly unnerving to hear the humming sound, which makes me anxious and short of breathe.  It increases my heart beat and laying on my back makes me have to breathe deeper.  However, I'm concerned of breathing too deeper because I might expand my lungs more than I need and causing them to get in the way of the radiation which the doctors have done so much prep to keep from happening.

The nurses are fantastic and make me smile and laugh.  They have a little radio there to play music. I'm only in there maybe 10-15 minutes and they have a big notebook of CDs.  One of the nurses states that they have pretty much all types of music available.  One morning on the way up the mountain, I was listening to Godsmack - amping myself up for the radiation and waking me up a bit.  I go in and try to see if there is an Aux jack with no success.  It is too old and only has an output jack.  The nurse asks, "what were you wanting to listen to" after I had searched through the stack of CDs and turning with a dissatisfied look on my face.  I responded with "well, I was listening to Godsmack on the way, but..." She responded with "yeah, we don't have that, I don't think that would be in much demand with our normal patient base."  We both laughed as I said "yeah I kinda figured that I would the only one liking it."  She I listened to some CCR that day.

So far the only thing I have noticed is that the muscles on my right chest tightened up a bit but I took some Advil and it eased up.  Other than that, it is a long day of driving 30 minutes to the hospital, 45 minutes to work, and 50 minutes home driving a large loop around the area.  I am 7 down from 30 treatments, so 23 left.  One day at a time, I just thankful for the ladies and gentlemen who are helping me treatment this nasty disease and who make me laugh everyday. 

What does my future have in store.....

Radiation started yesterday.  The room is cold as ice, the machine is massive and daunting.  It rolls around you loudly and has a loud humming sound when the radiation is flowing. It's something like out of Terminator; a eye of a machine, opening and closing against your body and deciding your fate with it's cold and metallic gaze.  You see them on pictures or videos but it's like when I had a mammogram for the first time, completely different being in that machine and a realization that you are gambling now for the future and accepting the unknown fate of what this "treatment" is going to do to you later.  My breathing stays regular until they lock the several inch thick door behind them as I am in the room alone and hear the buzzing sound of the machine eradicating my body - for my safety, for my future.... for my unknown future.  When the machine starts its hypnotic humming sound, my breathing speeds up, my heart beats faster, and I realize if I move... I could hurt myself horribly.  Fear, nervousness, hits hard at that moment.  I have lost control of the situation at that very moment and for the next 5-10 minutes.  What is my future.......

Other than the internal tormol, I am doing fine physically.  Nothing really observed yet, probably the tingley sensation I had this morning going to work was probably in my head but my whole right side felt tingley.  Is that possible after 2 treatments?  Just before the treatments started, an achey feeling close to my incision that spread around the edge of the implant at the base on my chest wall. I am assuming it's scar tissue, but it is unsettling.

28 more treatments left... 30 total.  Lots of laying still. The young girls are so nice.  I have drawings all over my chest, that of course, people stare at my chest.  Learn the valuable skill of looking without staring or better yet.... ask, "hey did you go crazy with the marker?"  I think it's pretty funny and a good way of asking and breaking the ice.  Buy hey... it's just me.

Today is a down day all of a sudden... I am sorry I'm not upbeat like normal.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.