Beach and Radiation Mark Ups

It has been a while since I updated anything on the blog. I've been on vacation in the Florida Keys for the last week.  Enjoying the last week before my radiation commences.  It was a good trip, overcast so no burning but a nice golden glow now.  We went kayaking one day, Key West twice, and went snorkeling.  It went by way too quickly. 

Today, I went for my scans and got all marked up with blue and red paint pens.  I now how blue marks that will be visible on my chest and already had 3 people ask what kinda tattoo I had.  I know it is weird but they don't like any type of tattoo... and when it is evident I am trying to avoid the conversation with a complete stranger while he stares at my chest like a perv (like the markings are some type of excuse for him to stare at my boobs), please stop asking me questions.  Yes I know people look, I would - they are perky and big - however, there is a difference in being a perv and just checking out. Check out - don't stare.  If you are going to stare, just take a picture for later please.  lol

So, they are going to chat about how they (the doctors) will go about providing the radiation without effecting my lungs and my other breast.  They are going to load lead blocks into the radiation machine so they can TRY to avoid shooting my other breast.  I am thankful they are looking for alternatives so they are reduce the amount of damage done.  It will be 6 weeks - 30 treatments total.  They will treat some of the lymphnodes in my neck also.

If you see me walking around with lines on my chest, please don't think I went crazy with the markers, I am working to get the marker off my sternum so at least that part isn't showing. There is a part of the blue on my chest I am not allowed to wash off and a clear sticker that is already wrinkling my skin.  This is gonna be a fun 6 weeks.

I heard and saw a male standing behind the curtain while I was on the X-ray table which memocks the radiation machine so they can line things up first.  I wasn't allowed to move - breast exposed, I believe my Radiation Tech saw me squirming to see who was there and if he was official or not, and she said you may hear a male voice out there, he's here to help.  She proceeded to tell me who he was and what he will do during my treatments. He was a very nice and hilariously funny man.  I looked at her and said "I was starting to wonder, I know I am used to showing them to everyone in [town] however, I thought you would share some of the price of admission tickets with me at least." She cracked up laughing. 



The nurses can make or break your treatment path... and I've been lucky so far!

A little fun in the sun before treatments

Spent today gathering necessary items for the trip to the Florida Keys soon.  We will take this trip with some friends and then the treatments will follow immediately upon our return.  The doctor said earlier that I could start the treatments earlier in June however, I'd have to cancel my trip.  That just simply wasn't an option. I already canceled one trip because of this recurrence, I wasn't going to cancel my first trip the Keys.  She said I could get as much sun as I wanted because she was going to show me a true sunburn when I got back. So, I will enjoy my time in the sun!   Above is a picture of the beach we will be going to... sandy white beaches, gentle water that is as blue and shallow. The weather looks great.... I can't wait!!!

Happy 7 Year Anniversary!

Earlier this week, we celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary.  We have our trip coming up soon and decided to celebrate with a fancy meal during that time.  We made steaks with roasted garlic mashed potatoes and watched Safe House.  It was a great movie by the way.   I love my husband and so glad I married him.  He has helped me to get through round 1 and now round 2 of cancer.  His support and ability to be my rock when I hit bottom has helped me get through this stuff with my head held high. He has stood beside me through the entire thing.  Thank you for the last 7 years, I look forward to our future together. Love you

Add 1 to our community ladies...

I spoke to a young woman this morning, she is faced with this stinkin' stuff too.  This too shall pass and when it passes, you will find a stronger, more passionate woman.  Stay positive and find the one thing that will pull you through this in those low points.  My love, prayers, and thoughts are with you during your journey and after.  The one thing I found out is, women who have breast cancer develop a strong community. We are here for each other no matter what happens in life.  Those of us that are young facing this, have a connection that no one else can take from us.  If you need anything, please let me know - my phone and doors are always open for you.  Good luck with everything!

Insurance Goals are met!

This has been a hectic week. Over the last weekend, my husband's grandfather passed away somewhat suddenly.  We have been running around making sure things are in line with everything and it was a beautiful military service.  The weather turned out perfect for a funeral.  The day before I came down with a nasty tummy virus or food poisoning. 

I have met an achievement I didn't think I'd meet for many years... my out of pocket maximum.  I figured it would happen this year but wasn't sure when. Well - it is DONE! Ha! Not something to be that happy about but I did it! Basically, now the insurance should pay 100% rather than 75%.  We've already put out several thousands dollars this year between two of us.  I was wondering how much this radiation was going to end up costing us, so other than standard doctor visit copays of $35 hopefully this shouldn't get much more expensive.  Now that might be $35 x 32 treatments which could be $1120. Oh geez... just did that calculation.... well... we might hit 5 digits in medical bills for the year. Wow! I bet we can write it off this year on the taxes.  The last years we missed being able to put it on our taxes by just a few hundred dollars.  This year... we are meeting all kinds of goals!

Just one thing to always keep in mind... when getting a new job, research your insurance (although if this Obama Care sticks won't matter) insurance is important no matter your age.  It isn't there for the small things but the big things that happen - the unexpected issues.  Insurance can be a savior. We have put a lot of money into this, this go around, however, the amount the insurance has saved us is much more.  When I went through this the last time, the insurance paid 100% of everything.....$150k paid, I only paid $350 the entire 2 years of treatments.  This is a bit more of a burden financially on us however, I understand it could be a lot worse so we stay focused and plan accordingly.

It is finally Friday!

This has been the longest week in a while and I am so happy and relieved it is Friday.  This week has been an emotional roller coaster ride.  I want to thank all the folks who said a prayer for my friend this week - they received some good news.  Waiting for final results to arrive but from the preliminary scans and tests, things are looking good.  God is good. 

My spirits are back up and happy again.  Sorry about the low the other day, I don't like letting those days show to anyone but I know that I need to let those days out and that is why I'm blogging to get those pesky feelings out.  I appreciate those who took time out of their days to just listen and be there.  It means more to me than you could ever imagine, knowing I can trust you to be able to handle the inner me (good and dark sides) and to allow me the ability to get these things out.  The last time I went through this, I let a lot of it bottle up until the end when it all exploded out one night when my husband was out of town.  I got off work and just literally lost it - mental breakdown.  On the way home at about midnight, I called the company's EAP line and just cried and cried - all the anger, fear, frustration, and pain just exploded out. I was tired of putting on the happy face for everyone and their brother.  After that, I was ok.  So going for the more, slow release theory this time around. 

This weekend will be a spring cleaning weekend.... ohhhh fun! I know, you wish you could be me this weekend here. Thank you all for the encouragement and support.  Oh and by the way, the surgery location has healed beautifully. Looks more like a scratch everyday.  I seriously love my surgeon... he is the best thing in the world. Just hope the radiation doesn't mess with it too much but we shall see. 

Have a great weekend!!!! Woooo hooooo

I'm having a moment... pardon the darkness

Today I have to two goals with this blog...

1) Tell you about my doctor appointment
2) To get as many people to pray for a special friend and her family

I want to start with my friend.  I can't go in much detail, however my friend has been fighting her own fight and it has been a hell of a battle.  Recently, something happened and more tests are to come to find out the future.  My heart pours out to my friend and their family.  I feel helpless in so many ways - I don't know what to say and I feel like a lifetime away.  This is the best way I know how to get more prayers sending up for them.  I love you! Many hugs and prayers my special friend.

Today I had a Radiation Oncology appointment.  I like my radiation oncologist - she is very open and upfront with the information.  So, you're not allowed to start treatments and then stop them and then pick them back up sooooo my vacation is causing me to push back my treatments for a few weeks.  We will start the prep work June 25 and probably start treatments Thursday of that week.  With that being said, treatments will end mid August.  This is pushing itself into my other plans that I have been planning.  Hopefully, it won't interfere too much.  She has calmed my nerves about several things and she is compassionate when it comes to the things that hit me hard; deciding not to have kids of my own, going into menopause at 29, and just the suckiness of this disease.  She is upfront when we ask questions and doesn't cut corners when telling us the cold truth about what's to come.  Rather than just having one radiated breast, they both are going to get it b/c my other one is sooo damn perky it is gonna get hit.  She said "there just isn't a way to get it out of the way because it is just sooo perky."  This is as she is trying to push it out of the way and putting a good amount of pressure on and both of us are kind of giggling.  I know it isn't funny, but 1. just my luck 2. come on really - tell me it isn't funny! Who ever complains about having perky boobs????  It is either she radiates the other breast or radiates more of my lung.  Sacrifice 2 implants rather than just 1 is the lesser of two evils.

I can get sun at least now when I go to the beach without having to be overly protective of that area.  Obviously, I'll still be vigilante to make sure I don't get completely burnt however I can tan up and be ok.  She was joking as we were walking out and said... "I'll show you sunburn when you get back." 

With the events of today, it has put what I am debating about into perspective more.  It has been a hard afternoon on my emotions and thoughts.  I wonder/analyze things a lot naturally but today, they are a bit more in focus as to why I'm doing things but other ways, more confused.  It's hard to explain.  My spirits are high, but my heart hurts right now for my friend.  I think it made some of the conversation I had with my radiation oncologist happen when otherwise it wouldn't have.  The truth about cancer treatment - there is no right answer and it doesn't play fair.  Which odds do you go with... the odds of getting cancer in 15-20 years because your so young and will live to that point in the radiated area or do you just take the chances with no radiation and just don't get pregnant or do you take your risks of not doing hormonal therapy vs. the complications of going into menopause at 29.  You are basically trading one bad thing for another.  Trading one death for another. You are killing yourself in one way in order to live a little longer.   When you think about the fact that some chemo is made with arsenic and radiation is something that we are always told to stay away from since it will kill a nasty death... it is kinda depressing and you really have to do some soul searching.  Before, the decision was easy - I say easy but I didn't think twice about doing chemo and the surgery but I find myself now, questioning every step I go.  I told my husband today "I wish I had a crystal ball and Fringe was real, so I could see the future of this reality and alternate universes of the various decisions I could follow."  I just want to be normal, live a normal life, be a normal wife to my husband.... I realize that is what makes me special and I'll never be normal but at 29 not being scared to get pregnant for fear that it could kill me and the worst thing I have to worry about is what we are doing over the weekend and if I have the right pair of shoes to go with it. Not saying that the issues that plague a normal 29 year old aren't important or as simple as shoes but just not to have to be concerned about things that aren't life threatening. 

Sorry this isn't a happy or uplifting day, this is one of those days of soul searching where % and risks and shit (pardon my french) start floating around.... "mama always said there'd be days like this."